What Marriage has Taught Me

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

By God's grace, thirty years ago this coming Monday I became joined to my beloved life's companion. I look back and wonder how the time could have passed so quickly, the kids grown, raised and gone, and now we two are grandparents to two delightful little grandsons. God has brought us through many times of testing and trial, but I am so thankful we are together to share this milestone. I am glad or all the things God has taught me. I learned these things the hard way. After thoroughly discovering my own ways didn't work, (and through the help of a Titus 2 woman, Mrs. Judy Seligman) I found God's ways did.

When I walked down that aisle, I foolishly thought that my husband's purpose was to make me happy. It was an impossible task, something the very first woman discovered in the garden of Eden. After Eve ate the forbidden fruit and then gave it to her husband Adam to eat, mankind fell into sin and death, and God told her: "I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you." (Genesis 3:16)

Was that some kind of cruel joke on Eve? Or was it a place of safety for her? I used to definitely think it was a cruel joke, even on the day when I walked down the aisle. The word for desire in Genesis 3:16 is tĕshuwqah. It means desire, longing, craving. I had a craving alright, to make sure I got what I wanted. But I did not realize that women are especially vulnerable to the enemy's lies and deception, and God gives the authority for the household to the man, not the woman.

How was it that I did not know that in I Corinthians 11:3 it states: "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." I was created for my husband, and he was not created for me, just as Eve was created to be Adam's helpmeet?

And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Genesis 2:18 It is up to each woman to find out what her husband wants from her to be his helpmeet. There is true satisfaction in finding it.

And yet, for my heart's ultimate happiness I do not have to rely on my husband. For he is only human and has good days and bad days, just like the rest of the human race. I can aim to fulfill my God given role as the Holy Spirit empowers me, but there is One who is even closer. Proverbs 18: 24 tells me, "A man who has friends must himself be friendly,But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." I believe that Jesus Christ is that friend. He will never stop loving me. He is the One who tells me to submit to my husband and He does it for my safety, not to be a killjoy. I can trust Him to work through my husband and turn my husband's heart if my husband even if he appears to be making a foolish decision. For like the king in the book of Proverbs, I can ask for the head of my home's heart to be turned, for Proverbs 21:1 states: "The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD, Like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes."

I simply turn to the Lord in prayer and entrust the situation to Him. Even if the answer is no, I can still trust God to work all things in my favor if I love God. Therefore, there is no need to worry or plead or try to twist my husband's arm. "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

When I got married, I wanted to know God, but had many misconceptions about Him, His grace, and especially the finished work of Christ. I thought God was a hard taskmaster. I thought I had somehow to add to Christ's finished work. It was my husband who first heard about the light yoke and easy burden of Christ and told me I needed to hear it. I am so grateful that he did.

And so I say, here's to the next thirty my dear Kevin. Thank you for hanging in there with me, and loving me, warts and all.
To young wives who may read this, hang in there, grow in grace, read the Word, and may you too find yourself happily married thirty years later.

Returning to God's Garden...

Genesis 3:8-10 " And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.Then the LORD God called to Adam and said to him, "Where [are] you?" So he said, "I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself."

Some might say that the day Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and hid themselves from God was the saddest day on planet Earth. But God was not surprised. He knew it was going to happen, since He knows all things, and He had a plan in mind from eternity past. (Acts 2: 23) For Christ would be our sacrificial Lamb, just as sure as Abraham was provided the ram caught in the thicket after being tested by God with offering up his beloved son Isaac on Mount Moriah in Genesis 22:13. (This was the very same spot where Jesus was crucified.) Think of it, Jesus was the Ram caught in the thicket for all of us.

But before Jesus came and died for us, God commanded Adam and Eve to leave the beautiful garden of Paradise. Adam was commanded to earn his food and provide for his family by the sweat of his brow. The curse meant no more fellowshipping with Christ in the garden of the cool of the day to be taught by Him. Now Adam and his family must be banished from the beautiful garden, and he must work and toil all his life. Moreover, the ground would not be kind to Adam, for "thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you" is what God told Adam would be the result of his labor in Genesis 3: 16a.

Sweating has been the story of mankind. Men work hard and their fortune can be wiped out overnight. One can break their back for a corporation, only to be let go when the economy declines. Security that seemed unending, gone in a minute. All that sweat, and what a tragedy as we see more and more homeless people who were once middle class. Do you really think this situation this will improve when we are trillions of dollars in debt?

In my reading in Ezekiel the other day, the prophet described the rebuilt Jewish Temple in the time of the coming Millenial Kingdom, when Christ will rule human history from Jerusalem for a literal 1,000 years while Satan is bound in the bottomless pit. (Revelation 20: 3) The Spirit caught my attention with the description of the priest's clothing in this passage, because it also has to do with sweat:

Ezekiel 44:17-18

"And it shall be, whenever they enter the gates of the inner court, that they shall put on linen garments; no wool shall come upon them while they minister within the gates of the inner court or within the house. 'They shall have linen turbans on their heads and linen trousers on their bodies; they shall not clothe themselves with [anything that causes] sweat.'"

Now I wonder, why would the Lord not want them to sweat as they minister as priests in the Temple? After all, Adam and all his descendants have been sweating ever since that day when he and Eve were banished from the Garden.
Of course, I should know that the answer is found in one of the most important verses in the whole Bible! I like this translation from Kenneth Wuest in The New Testament: an Expanded Translation, because it gives the sense of the verse, and it was written as if it is happening right now, because that is how the Apostle John wrote it.

John 19: 28-30
"After this, Jesus knowing that all things had now been brought to a consummation and stood finished in order that the scripture might be fulfilled says, I am thirsty. A vessel was standing there full of sour wine. Then, after putting a sponge filled with sour wine around a hyssop reed, they put it to His mouth. Then when Jesus had received the sour wine He said, It has been finished and stands complete. And having bowed His head, He delivered up His spirit."

Who was in control there? Jesus was! He knew, at that exact moment, the most important moment of all human history, that all sins had been paid for. It was then, and only then, that the Lord gave up His human spirit. Thus the work was finished. The veil of the curtain in the Jewish Temple was torn in two at that exact moment as well, indicating God's satisfaction with Christ's sacrifice. (Matthew 27:51)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now, there is another tree in the Garden, and it is most wonderful. This tree is now available to us, with no sweating on our part, because of what Christ did for us that tragic but glorious day. This tree is called the Tree of Life. The fruit on this tree is not forbidden, we can partake of it as much as we want! In the New Jerusalem, established after the enemy of our souls is finally banished to the lake of fire, there will never again be a curse, no more death, no more sickness. Can you imagine a world without these things? By faith in what Christ did that day was for you personally and acknowledging that God raised Him from the dead, you, too, can be among those worshipping Him forever.

Revelation 22: 1-3:
Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; also, on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations."

"Stand on Your Own Two Faith"

My husband always has a way of encouraging me to not run to people all the time to get advice. He tells me,

"Stand on your own two faith."

Now what does he mean by that? My husband knows me better than anyone on the planet. He knows what value I place on my faith, the Bible, and all its promises. But he also sees me in my weaknesses.

All of my life I have struggled with decision making. Now in matters pertaining to our household and family, I know whom I am to ask: my husband. For God has given him the authority in our relationship (not to be a cruel taskmaster) but because that's the way it has been ordained for Christian marriage ever since the Garden of Eden.(Genesis 3: 16) It is for my safety.

But in other things I often felt like I was just swaying back and forth, listening to whomever would come along and sound the most persuasive. Standing up for myself against strong personalities has never been my advantage.
And so, I often ended up saying I would do something and knowing in my heart I really didn't want to do it. Embarrassed, I ended up changing my mind within hours or days to everyone else's disappointment.

I knew, deep down, what was right for me. I just wanted someone to tell me I was doing the right thing. I needed validation.

Well, this should only go on for so long and then one should grow out of it. I hope that I finally am, with His grace. For this is a destructive habit that reveals, at its heart, unbelief.

For God was there, all along, just waiting for me to ask His counsel. I don't have to be a "reed shaken in the wind." How foolish of me. (Talk about being April-fooled-see my last post!)

This beautiful verse was/is the answer to my problem:

Jeremiah 33:3 "Call unto Me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not."

Does God mean that, or is it just there to look pretty?

I need at all times to believe it, stand on my "own two faith," and wait for God to give me HIS answers. Answers that are beyond my comprehension, things I never in a trillion years could figure out on my own.

1 Corinthians 2:9 "But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him."

How infinitely much better is that than to try to scheme on my own, in feeble attempts to people-please?

Psalm 37:7 "Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. 8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. 9 For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth."

That sounds like a fantastic proposition to me. How about you?

Recently I was faced with a big decision that only I could make. My instinct told me to trust in the Lord and not be overcome by the words of men. I had undertaken a project by faith and wanted to finish it the same way. Yet a voice of fear came in: "What if??"

I had to make a choice. I had to "stand on my own two faith." God had led me this far. He will not fail me now.

Ephesians 6:13 "Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand."