What Marriage has Taught Me

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

By God's grace, thirty years ago this coming Monday I became joined to my beloved life's companion. I look back and wonder how the time could have passed so quickly, the kids grown, raised and gone, and now we two are grandparents to two delightful little grandsons. God has brought us through many times of testing and trial, but I am so thankful we are together to share this milestone. I am glad or all the things God has taught me. I learned these things the hard way. After thoroughly discovering my own ways didn't work, (and through the help of a Titus 2 woman, Mrs. Judy Seligman) I found God's ways did.

When I walked down that aisle, I foolishly thought that my husband's purpose was to make me happy. It was an impossible task, something the very first woman discovered in the garden of Eden. After Eve ate the forbidden fruit and then gave it to her husband Adam to eat, mankind fell into sin and death, and God told her: "I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you." (Genesis 3:16)

Was that some kind of cruel joke on Eve? Or was it a place of safety for her? I used to definitely think it was a cruel joke, even on the day when I walked down the aisle. The word for desire in Genesis 3:16 is tĕshuwqah. It means desire, longing, craving. I had a craving alright, to make sure I got what I wanted. But I did not realize that women are especially vulnerable to the enemy's lies and deception, and God gives the authority for the household to the man, not the woman.

How was it that I did not know that in I Corinthians 11:3 it states: "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." I was created for my husband, and he was not created for me, just as Eve was created to be Adam's helpmeet?

And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Genesis 2:18 It is up to each woman to find out what her husband wants from her to be his helpmeet. There is true satisfaction in finding it.

And yet, for my heart's ultimate happiness I do not have to rely on my husband. For he is only human and has good days and bad days, just like the rest of the human race. I can aim to fulfill my God given role as the Holy Spirit empowers me, but there is One who is even closer. Proverbs 18: 24 tells me, "A man who has friends must himself be friendly,But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." I believe that Jesus Christ is that friend. He will never stop loving me. He is the One who tells me to submit to my husband and He does it for my safety, not to be a killjoy. I can trust Him to work through my husband and turn my husband's heart if my husband even if he appears to be making a foolish decision. For like the king in the book of Proverbs, I can ask for the head of my home's heart to be turned, for Proverbs 21:1 states: "The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD, Like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes."

I simply turn to the Lord in prayer and entrust the situation to Him. Even if the answer is no, I can still trust God to work all things in my favor if I love God. Therefore, there is no need to worry or plead or try to twist my husband's arm. "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

When I got married, I wanted to know God, but had many misconceptions about Him, His grace, and especially the finished work of Christ. I thought God was a hard taskmaster. I thought I had somehow to add to Christ's finished work. It was my husband who first heard about the light yoke and easy burden of Christ and told me I needed to hear it. I am so grateful that he did.

And so I say, here's to the next thirty my dear Kevin. Thank you for hanging in there with me, and loving me, warts and all.
To young wives who may read this, hang in there, grow in grace, read the Word, and may you too find yourself happily married thirty years later.

Pressing Ahead in the Year 2014

Hebrews 13:20-21 "Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, make you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.

The year 2013 quickly slips away and we see a new year coming, whether we are ready for it or not. As the ball gets ready to drop and 2014 commences, how should I look at the past year and all it brought? For some people, the year 2013 had great sadness. For others, it may have spelled financial disaster, or the loss of a relationship, or illness. I found I had a mixture of conditions this past year. I choose today, though to look back at the circumstances of my life with a redemptive review. I can either be hopeless or hopeful. It depends on who I am looking at. If I look at myself, I quickly get hopeless. I know that in and of myself I have nothing to boast about, no bragging rights. My life is not wrapped around being in a certain social status, or my own particular claims to fame. But that is OK.

When I accept that about myself, I can then look away from myself and look at the One who lives inside me. With Him, all things are possible. (Luke 18:27)

If I believe in God the way I say I do, I do not need to be going backwards regretting the mistakes of the past. God knew every single detail of my life way before I was ever born. He knew all the trials, all the stupid things I would say and do, all the problems before there ever was one of them. He let them happen anyway, even if it was through a fault of my own. This fact gives me great comfort. Nothing in my life ever took God by surprise. He has never been disappointed in me, because He knows I am but dust, and that I can do nothing by my own power that will be of any use to Him or His Kingdom. It is only Him living inside me that can produce a work acceptable in His sight.

The Apostle Paul had every right to brag about his status as a Pharisee before His salvation. As he so beautifully writes in Philippians 3:4-14. "... If anyone else thinks he may have confidence in the flesh, I more so: circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of the Hebrews; concerning the law, a Pharisee; concerning zeal, persecuting the church; concerning the righteousness which is in the law, blameless.
But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ, and be found in HIM, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is in God by faith;that I may know HIM and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed into His death, if by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on that I may lay hold of that which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended;but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Do you see what he is telling us? We do not have to be tethered to the past, the mistakes and failures and clinging to our own human understanding. No, we can have a fresh start for this coming new year. And if we mess up in the new year (as we surely will) there is always a fresh start every time because God in His infinite patience had His Son pay for every infraction we ever did or ever will commit. That is why Jesus Christ is our very best friend, the friend that sticks closer than a brother.(Proverbs 18:24) No other man or religion can offer mankind what He does: total forgiveness, making us brand new creatures (II Corinthians 5:17) and mercy that endures forever. So, in 2014 I do not need to make any kind of promises to myself, promises I will surely break.

No, I just need to get more and more of Christ. More of His Word and His thoughts inside me. More prayer and communion with Him. As John the Baptist said, "He must increase, but I must decrease." (John 3: 30) For only when I am filled with Him am I truly happy.